Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.

there is always room for change

CHANGE?

 

I am grateful that I had so many people in my life who wanted me to recover.  They longed for growth, for development, for health, for change.  At the time—twenty years ago, fifteen years ago—I saw no reason for change.  Seventeen years ago, I finally could see where everyone else was coming from, and desired that change for myself.

 

Thankfully, most of my friends all gave me the space for the growth they desired.  They supported my changes.  Even when I made mistakes, they were still behind me, ready my next moment of inspiration when I would bloom a little more.

I wish I could tell you that I was sick and then I was well.  That there is thin line between “the old Lexie” and “the current Lexie.”  Let’s face it—I’m still making mistakes and I’m still blooming, day by day.

I want to tell you that 100% of the people in my life see this current me and allow me to flourish.  But change is difficult, not only for those doing the changing and growing, but also for those doing the observing.  There have been people who only wanted that old me of twenty years ago and discovered that Healthy Lexie didn’t mesh all that well with their lifestyles.  I no longer supported the myth that eating disorders are simply lifestyles and not illnesses.  My mere existence proved that myth wrong.  There have also been individuals who haven’t been able to accept my change because they know they haven’t changed.  So when they look at me, they try to find that old me still hanging around.  They cling to the myth that no one really ever fully recovers from an eating disorder.  Once again, I proved that myth wrong.

 

I am not alone in that.  You can change.  I have been the observer as other people have bloomed around me.  I am still that observer.  Hell, as I said, I’m still changing, so people still get to watch me grow. There is no time limit.  No deadline.  No age restrictions.  No minimum/maximum amount of anything.  This society does a wonderful job in teaching us to judge ourselves based on everyone else.  Compare compare compare.  It’s a message driven home in almost every single magazine on the stands.

 

Recovery, however, is yours.  Your pace.  Your steps.  Your petals.  Your choice.  Your joy.

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February 17, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment