Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.

Seven Things

Survive and Thrive

Survive and Thrive

I came across  Seven Things to Remember During Eating Disorder Recovery, and I encourage you to read it if you are recovering from an eating disorder, an addiction, any mental illness, or if you are recovering and having one of those days when you doubt everything.

I, of course, have some things I want to add.  Yes; it was the hardest thing I have ever done, and my even on my bad days I remember the hell of life with an eating disorder.

In my early recovery, yes, there were hard days.  Days when I made crappy choices.  Bad body image days.  Falling back on old habits.  It is a process of recovery, because you learn that one day, one binge, one purge does not define you.  You are now aware that maybe that wasn’t the best, and you are able to stop, look around you, and keep moving forward.  It doesn’t matter if you have a few of these days.  What matters is when you choose to make better choices for yourself.

But I don’t want people to think this is it.  That recovery will always mean hard days.  Recovery looks different for every person, though.  I no longer have panic attacks at the thought of eating cupcakes.  I don’t ever wish I could go back there.  Ever.  I eat intuitively.  I listen to my body and go for walks when my body feels well, and I take naps when my body is sore.  I’m pretty sure men and women all have days when we look in the mirror and are disappointed or even crushed, but those thoughts are no longer tied to my self-worth and don’t weigh me down during the day.  My eating disorder is gone.  Gone.  Read my blog and you’ll discover I have plenty of bad days, but they no longer have anything to do with food or size or exercise.

Repairing your relationship with food does take time.  You’ll have a lot of relationships to repair.  My relationship with exercise was especially difficult, and I was afraid I would never enjoy exercise again, that it would always be laced with hatred and anger and self-loathing.  You will also have to repair actual relationships with actual people.  Sometimes, you will come across relationships that cannot be healed.  This is okay.  You will likely need to end a relationship or two if you find the other person is pulling you toward the eating disorder.  This is a healthy decision.

And yes, remind yourself of where you were then and where you are now, be it the day you choose to start recovery or a week into the journey or a month or five years.  Remember everything you held yourself back from, and celebrate your strength and ability and courage of today.


August 23, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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