Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.

The Steps to Change

Someone made a comment on my previous entry about how the changes I mentioned were so hard to implement.  And I agree;  they were. 

But here’s the beautiful thing about change:  it doesn’t happen overnight. 

Okay, some changes do happen quickly.  One day three years ago, I went to the cardiologist and fully expected to just go back home the same person.  Instead, within a matter of ten minutes, I was a cardiac patient with a team of specialists who had scheduled surgery. 

But all the changes I’ve implemented in my life?  You know, going from the selfish, stubborn, prideful, manipulative person to who I am now?  That took time.  Little baby steps guided by my therapist.  Small enough steps that sometimes I couldn’t even see how that step would help anything whatsoever.  But those little baby steps add up, until eventually you get to look behind you and see that the person you used to be is not the person you are now.

And what about recovery?  Talk about small freaking steps.  From the time I decided to recover, it took two lengthy hospitalizations and one short one and a shitload of therapy.  There were no drastic changes, only gradual ones.  And I think that was a good thing.  I’ve never been good with drastic changes–nothing seems to stick or sink in that way.  I do my best work when the change seeps in and makes itself at home. 

There’s a song by Jars of Clay called “Lesson One” (I think I’ve mentioned this song before).  And there’s a line describing a personal journey of growth: “It’s too far to walk, but you don’t have to run.  You’ll get there in time.”  That’s a comforting thought for me.  I grew up running after everything, which probably contributed to the eating disorder in the first place.  I know I have a long way to go still, but hearing an affirmation that yes, indeed, I will get there is comforting. 

Choose one small step today.  One. Small. Step.  Then own that step. 


August 11, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Thanks yet again for the encouragement. It’s so hard to see how a small step can do anything, but truly one small step can slowly change the world(or at least my world)

    Comment by Shannon | August 11, 2012 | Reply

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