Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.

general update



October 15, 2009: exactly three months post-ICD implant


This is just a general me update.  I took this picture on October 15, which was the three-month anniversary of my ICD implant.  I saw my electrophysiologist today for my three month (and two weeks) checkup.

Things are looking good.  The scar, thanks to liberal amounts of Mederma, is fading.  He did a rather nice job keeping it small and tidy.

I have done absolutely nothing in these past three months to raise my heartrate or trigger any arrhythmias, so the interrogation of my device was a pretty boring read today.  The doctor did start me on a beta blocker to help with the premature beats that make my head spin.

But I get to exercise again!!!

Well, I don’t get to run or anything intense like I was doing, pre-ARVD diagnosis.  But I can walk faster.  And I can lift light free weights as long as I keep my shoulders stationary to avoid moving the wire.  I can take a ballet class, because of course proper ballerinas do not shrug their shoulders (that would be ugly and ungraceful).  I need to purchase a heart monitor watch to make sure I stay at a certain limit.

But (hopefully) never again will a car passenger yell out to me, “Walk faster!”

While this seems all lighthearted, and I am smiling, it goes much deeper.  I feel like I’ve gotten a piece of my self back.  I can take action to make my body strong again.  I have accepted that it won’t be the Super Athlete Runner Body anymore.  But I have yet to accept the post-surgery body.  Or, I accept it on a cognitive level but am not content with it because it is so foreign to me?  And I thought I was done with significant body changes in a short period of time.  And this one was completely unexpected.

So tomorrow, I will do my first push-up (on my knees first.  yes, the girly kind) in over four months.  I will pick up a set of light five pound weights and do a set of slow curls.  That may be all I do beside walk tomorrow.  But it will feel amazing.




October 30, 2009 - Posted by | Body Image, Eating Disorders, health, heart, identity | , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Reading your history has really touched me. You are doing so well…. I am excited for you that you can start to excercise again and be looking to the future. 🙂

    Comment by chamomilemassage | October 30, 2009 | Reply

  2. so good to hear that you can get in some exercise!! thanks for the update!

    Comment by sillygfun | October 30, 2009 | Reply

  3. I can relate, having a brief stint of not being able to exercise for another reason, somewhat related to health related issues due to ED’s, somewhat related to the ED alone… My thing was at the time to try to not feel like hope was lost, and I am glad that you get to exercise again… I understand the mindset, truly understand, as I was a gymnast at the age of 5, a cheerleader at the age of 9, (mind you still doing gymnastics), and a runner at the age of 12, then on the side, once perfected the technique, a long distance cyclist on the side… long story short, I can feel the excitement in being able to restart your true first love, being able to embrace that which originally made you you as a person (not the ED), and just embracing an active life again, as active as you can be. Best wishes, :-}

    Comment by eatolicious | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  4. reading this made me really happy, i can definitely understand the significance. thinking of you as always!

    Comment by Emily | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  5. Congratulations!!! These things may seem small to other people, but I totally get how important they are. Wahooo!!!!!

    Comment by sayhealth | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  6. I am SOO excited for you!!!

    Comment by Andi | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  7. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay! I’m so glad you got the green light!

    Comment by Megan | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  8. Nothing wrong with girly pushups! That’s how I do! 🙂

    Comment by Neesha/Dustin | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  9. I like how to take everything w a grain of salt…no pun intended. I wish I had your strength to suck it up w my hydrochepalus…wanna send me some;)?

    Comment by Diana | October 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Diana, if I could, I would. I really really would.

      Comment by surfacingaftersilence | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  10. Hooray for ballet!

    Thank you for the reminder about Mederma. I haven’t been looking forward to having an ugly scar on my boob.

    Comment by Millie | October 31, 2009 | Reply

    • It’s expensive, considering it’s a small tube, but you don’t need to use a lot on it each time, and use it twice a day. For me, it’s totally worth it and I am only just now starting my second tube, although there’s a little left in the first tube. It worked MUCH better than Vitamin E did for me.

      Comment by surfacingaftersilence | October 31, 2009 | Reply

  11. I was diagnosed with ARVC a couple days ago and am at the hospital for the next week waiting to receive my ICD. If you don’t mind me asking, is there a lump on your chest from it? As a 20 year old female also suffering from this unfortunate cardiac disorder, the appearance of the device is very important to me. I stumbled upon your blog while looking for more information online, and it has been great to read about an account from a young individual like myself. I feel like my world is quickly spiraling downward and am trying to hold on..

    Comment by Claire | April 7, 2011 | Reply

    • Yes, there’s a bump on my chest, right underneath the scar. It depends on your weight and general size to begin with. But it’s hardly noticeable. when i pull my shoulderblades back closer together then you can notice it more. I would buy mederma for after the suture strips come off and the stitches are gone. You can barely notice my scar unless you were looking for it.

      Comment by surfacingaftersilence | April 8, 2011 | Reply

      • The picture of this entry is after the surgery, btw

        Comment by surfacingaftersilence | April 8, 2011

        is the book out on this condition. Pricey, but I got it used.

        Comment by surfacingaftersilence | April 8, 2011

      • Thank you so much for your prompt response, I appreciate it so much. What brand of ICD do you have? My doctors spit brand name out at speeds I cannot fathom, so I am trying to research.
        Reading you blog has helped me so much, you have written the emotions I feel, and it’s like no one else could possible understand. Thank you for making your voice heard.

        Comment by Claire | April 10, 2011

      • I have a boston scientific teligen

        Comment by surfacingaftersilence | April 13, 2011

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