Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.


As a follow-up to my previous post on sex.  I am not advocating that you go out and have sex to prove to yourself you can or that you should go against any personal values you already have and not wait until marriage.

I think you need to make sure you’re ready–mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  And yes, if you are young, then physically.  I’m not really all that convinced that young adolescents are mentally, emotionally or spiritually ready for sex even if they profess deep and profound love for one another.

But I do think that you need to come to terms with your sexuality, the fact that as a human being, you are also a sexual being.  You can be straight, gay, bi, trans, etc, but sexuality is part of who we are.  And the eating disorder, seeing as how it affects every aspect of our personalities to some degree, will also affect our sexuality.

I’ve known people to lose themselves in sex as a way to forget.  I’ve know people (like myself, as stated in the last entry) to do everything they can to make themselves asexual.  When I was sick, even when I was with someone, someone I trusted, and we had sex, one of two things happened: it was based on violence or I zoned out the entire time.

I think we need to explore our sexuality in safe environments, and for a lot of us, that will mean doing so in a private forum.  Learning to explore your own body and be okay with that–either through touch or through sight by sitting in front of a mirror and looking at yourself, confronting all you’ve ever feared.

We will learn what we like.  What we don’t like.  Because then when we invite someone else into the equation, we have a right to ask for what we like and to stop what we don’t like.  We need to feel okay in our skin in the presence of another person.  How long this process takes varies for each person.  How we discover who we are as a sexual being is different for each person.  How long it takes to trust another person with this part of ourselves is different for each one of us.

Sex can be a wonderful part of a healthy relationship.  The key word is healthy : not only does the relationship need to be healthy, but the individuals involved need to be healthy as well.


October 5, 2009 - Posted by | Body Image, Eating Disorders, recovery | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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