Surfacing After Silence

Life. After.



One of my favorite spots at Shelter Gardens

One of my favorite spots at Shelter Gardens



My day didn’t start off all that well.  I open my email and have an alert from my bank that there’s been suspicious activity today and they need me to call them to see what’s going on.  And, sure enough, there were four fraudulent charges.  On an account that was already “not in the best of shapes.”  So I go to the bank, and we call Fraud Protection and we get the charges reversed, but of course, I don’t have a debit card for a week because they cancelled the old one.  But that doesn’t matter, because they put the entire account on hold until the 5th.  


Okay, so I’m thinking, what bills are immediately due?  I think I’m good with that.  I have another account set up that has my rent money in it, so I’m okay with rent.  I have a little bit of cash for food.  So I can do this.  

I decided to go for a walk in the gardens near my apartment.  One of my favorite spots is near this statue.  I’m not one for sitting on benches while walking, but today I impulsively sat down–no, I decided to lie down on my back on a nearby bench and looked up into the trees, listening to a beautiful set of wind chimes.  Not one of those small, tinny high-pitched annoying wind chimed, but a big, heavy, hollow wind chime that produces slow deep notes.  

I saw birds flying in the branches above me, flitting to the nearby feeder, and listened to their chirps mingle with the wind chime.  I honestly think I was only there for a few minutes.  But it was enough time to just sit back, relax, not panic, and be.  This is about as close to mindfulness as I get.  I am rarely able to let my mind go, to just notice thoughts and not analyze them.  To be okay in the moment.  I’m always looking for ways to change the moment.  

But I did everything I could do to remedy the situation.  Thinking about it or obsessing about it or panicking–these would get me nowhere.  And at some point, lying on my back and watching leaves, I had this feeling that things were going to be okay.  

And considering what I’ve been through in the past month, this really is a very small matter. I’m okay.  I will be okay.


July 28, 2009 - Posted by | coping, Eating Disorders, health | , , , ,


  1. YOU FREAKIN’ GO ALEXIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love your attitude!!! You rock!!!!

    Comment by Beth | July 28, 2009 | Reply

  2. Alexis,

    Sorry to hear some douchebag got ahold of your bank account, but I’m so impressed by how you handled it. And the point you made is good: there’s a time for action, and there’s a time when we’ve done all we can and we just have to let go.

    I’m very jealous of that garden- it looks lovely!

    Comment by Carrie | July 28, 2009 | Reply

  3. Glad you’re coping with it. It’s totally a stress/hassle that no one needs. But especially you with all you’re going through now. xoxo

    Comment by Jenn | July 29, 2009 | Reply

  4. I agree with Beth!

    Comment by Andi | August 7, 2009 | Reply

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